Immortality was never part of the deal

I don’t know if it’s my work getting to me, or recent life events, or what. Lately, I’ve thought a lot about how I’m going to die. Now, now, don’t get all freaky on me, I’m not suicidal or some shit, it’s just an interesting thought. I guess you could say, I’ve seen the future. I see where most people are headed everyday, which is old and fragile, alone and disabled in a bed, racked with pain. Not really alive or dead, stuck in a horrible in between land that involves paying chicks with blue hair to give you your meds, wearing diapers, and listening to your family argue over who gets your money. 

And then I look at my life. I have some old friends and there were seven of us, so we were bored and high one day and decided to name each one of us after the seven deadly sins. I got wrath pretty much instantly. (Best one in my opinion, but that’s just me. Pride’s also pretty cool too) It’s actually kind of accurate of most of the women in my family. I’m nice and sweet and all, but if you do piss me off I tend to go to the end of the Earth in order to bring your ass down. Don’t really care about collateral damage, or if I look bad doing it. I’ve done pretty good so far, come up against some pretty scary people and it didn’t end well for them. I’m lucky, but I kind of figure one day that luck is going to run out. One day, I’ll be on someone else’s list and they’re going to have a really good day and wrath will take me too.

And then I think, well that’s more of a hope, isn’t it? I’d rather go out fighting someone stronger than me that I burned, then rot in a hospital bed hopped up on morphine. I punish people I feel have wronged me, but eventually, I’ll run my mouth to the wrong person. At least I hope. I’d rather punishment came to find me then die old and complacent. At least then, when I die, I’d feel really alive for a few minutes.

Punishment comes limping, and I’ll make damn sure I deserve it. The alternative is far worse.


3 Responses to “Immortality was never part of the deal”

  1. Really nice!! Being in the medical field as well, I can understand exactly where you are coming from. You pretty much summed it up in your third to last sentence: “At least then, when I die, I’d feel really alive for a few minutes.” This is so true, and in so many ways……

  2. When we signed up to life the small print said “grow old, die.” The small print sucks don’t it? Look after your body and mind you stand a chance living long and healthy, those visions of what happens to the oldies may be avoided.

    The world is going banana-shaped, you are more likely to be shot, blown up or starve to death before you will have a chance of old age in our new future.

  3. timishardcore Says:

    AHHHH! “Immortality”….. Interesting subject no matter what you believe(or don’t believe LOL.) I have an interesting story that happened just recently that made me think about this exact thing.

    Now do not laugh but I had to put down my 4 yr old Corgi(Sunny) because she had developed Hip dysplacia and arthritis(spell?) and in order to move she had to drag her hind end around and We tried everything to help her put nothing we did helped her and I could tell she was depressed and so we put her down last Saturday, I know it was the right thing to do for her but I still feel horrible for doing it (I loved that dog) but I would want someone to do the same for me when my quality of life has diminished like hers did.

    I would rather go out in a “blaze of glory” but a cyanide capsule would be just as effective.

    Nice blog Sammie 🙂

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